The Reluctant Whore

McDonalds cuisine may be synonymous with things like irreparable damage to the liver and American subservience to culture manufactured in board rooms by corporate executives who wouldn't touch the stuff if you paid them, however, it's now officially also synonymous with extraordinary coffee.

According to a survey conducted by Consumer Reports, coffee from McDonalds is better than that of Starbucks. The fact that Starbucks only makes coffee and they lost is sad for them. It's really sad. I mean, what else do Starbucks have to live for. McDonalds has a few other projects like burgers and stuff but Starbucks put all its emphasis on coffee and they still failed miserably.

Wait, those chocolate Graham cracker things are pretty good. The thing is, you know that Starbucks employees were told via the employee newsletter or whatever they use (that most employees actually DO read) that they were to be extra perky that month cause who knows where the surveyer was going to turn up. You know, really make it look like you give a shit about fucking complicated cups of inanely over processed coffee and, for that matter, each other while you wear those chronically unnecessary headsets. After all, every little win counts.

And McDonalds, barely mentioned it at all because their employees can't read anyway and after all, they just pour the coffee into the percolator and let it make itself.

Still, despite the effort from Starbucks, McDonalds won.

I'm amazed I'm still typing.