Thursday, February 15, 2007

It's understandable on one level that cheese is an anxiety placator. There's nothing gruyere can't fix except a cholesterol problem, and even then - are you focused enough? But, when all you can eat and indeed all you HAVE eaten every single day of your life IS cheese something has gone horribly wrong. Take young Dave Nunley. That's what he's done and he's completely nuts.

Telltale signs like

"My throat goes all tight and I start sweating... I am desperate to change."

Indicating a severe memory based anxiety linking rather oddly to food.

What on earth could possibly have caused such an horrendous reaction to anything edible besides cheese?

Was his mother, in fact, a Nazi, child skinning, Satanist who would make him stand in the kitchen, wrapped inside the stapled together and recently gutted carcasses of her latest Jew baby casualties, forcing him to read out instructions to her from a cookbook by candlelight which dripped wax on his little hands and seared the freshly slain baby flesh in spots with its black soot, as she prepared all manner of dishes for her dark meetings involving every kind of food except cheese. Him standing there with the deadened eyes of a child murdered in front of its shrieking parents staring up blankly into his. The only thing that stopped him from shrieking in blood curdling horror was the knowledge that his mother was lactose intolerant and that he had been putting cheese into her pies secretly causing her to get sicker and sicker until she died - thus in his mind Cheese was the liberator and so, his only friend.

Yes, that's the only way it could have been. That's why the thought of any food but cheese causes him physical anxiety. Case closed.

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