Monday, February 19, 2007

Celebrity Madness

Because Sylvester Stallone's brain appears to be made out of dry roast beef, which would account for the fact that his voice sounds like he's choking on it at all times, he considers that it's fine to take some kind of drug on board his private aircraft on a trip to Australia. He is detained at customs and an investigation is initiated. He leaves the airport and the investigation gets underway. There is no way in HELL any civilian would have been allowed to walk away from that airport.

In a rare moment of what is probably emotional sincerity, Britney Shaves her head and everyone reels back in horror. The only thing that makes this even vaguely odd is the fact that she says, "I don't want anyone to touch me." which sounds odd. All in all, she's just processing her divorce and is exfoliating her soul. While her corporate stock plummets, people sell her freshly shorn hair on ebay. The next person to mention her children get mauled.

Another man throws his hat in the ring, making a claim to be the father of Anna Nicole's kid. It seems that there's been a cutoff limit to what the public will consider viable - which, in itself is astounding just in general. The short list is really just Larry Birkhead and Howard K Stern and Stern's humanity, let alone his credibility is is severe question.

Anna Nicole Smith's body is embalmed which means she can remain more or less physically intact for months now which is lucky because the custody and inheritance battle is going to continue for a while. Especially if ET and The Insider have anything to do with it. They're probably thanking their lucky stars Britney shaved her head because lets face it, they don't have any new fresh stories except for Chistie Brinkley's blandly smile saturated divorce and that obese 10 year old who squeals like a fat, spoilt pig. No, there will certainly be no decomposition for Anna Nicole Smith.

Decomposition - of career - is a very real prospect for the Bahamian immigration official who was screwing her in return for expedited immigration status processing. He maintains he has never had sex with her but that he has to resign because the story is, and I paraphrase, causing too many people pain. Total crap. Anna Nicole Smith's main attribute was her body so she used it to maintain her livelihood. At the base of it, she was a prostitute. No judgement on that but it's just the way it is.

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