Tuesday, June 03, 2008

When Academy Award Winner Tatum O’Neal was arrested for trying to buy coke AND crack yesterday she told the press she was rehearsing for a role and you know what? Why not? She’s an actress. She’s an ACADEMY AWARD Winning Actress. Those bitches go into dark places to get inside their roles and I imagine buying coke and crack could easily be part of it. Maybe she was rehearsing for a production of Requiem For a Dream – the Musical. I like to believe anything I’m told by Academy Award Winning Actresses. I mean, I think that’s why I use all capitals when writing about them. Like I just did twice then. They are our Moral Benchmarks.

Today, Tatum O’Neal has stated that she was buying coke and crack because she was really upset about her dog dying. It was a scotch terrier. I can understand that. I think scotch terriers are often considered a muse-like source of happiness or, more specifically “canine prozac”. Consequently, I now believe that she is telling the truth now. It was her dog’s fault. She didn’t do anything wrong.

I wonder if this is a wonderful performance piece where each day this week she will come out with a new reason. I certainly hope it is! Perhaps tomorrow it will be because of a baking mishap. Then Thursday it will be because of the crippling sadness within her due to a totally unmanaged ego, then after that – on Friday it will be because she thought she was buying cheese at Citarella but had been to the optometrist and couldn’t see well. Whatever she says, I believe it because I’m starting to feel like a bona fide idiot and that’s what she wants to. She wants me to be a bona fide idiot and to never question her – which I couldn’t possibly ever do. [source]

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