Thursday, June 26, 2008

Well, look at that. Lohan’s got an album coming out in November and it’s got tracks produced by Pharrell Williams, Akon, StarGate and Bloodshy & Avant. Now listen, I’m no expert on music the kids like these days and frankly, I probably can’t even pronounce those names properly let alone know what the hell they do but it seems to me that we might have another Britney Spears type album on our hands.

Like Britney, Lohan could feasibly just turn up and burp into a microphone and the entirely clear headed, viciously ambitious and technically adept producers can filter out all that insanity and residual childhood horror and they might come out with a quality album.

The thing is, Lohan will have to figure out if she’s going for reincarnated pop star OR if she’s going for complex, haunted young pop star. See, Britney was totally in the complex, haunted pop star stage when she was dealing with her album promotion including that staggering, languid porpoise show at the VMAs. Not a lot of artists could top that level of crapulence so Lohan had better up the ante and start hammering down a shit load of booze and fried chicken OR she’d better be tight and clean.

Sadly, I can’t see her doing either right now. She isn’t drinking or taking drugs so “messy” is out of the question and she isn’t completely on top of anything so “tight and clean” is less likely.

People are probably waiting for a coherent, musical commentary on everything that has happened with Lohan since she screamed in the delicate, subtle and understated music video for “Confessions of a Broken Heart”. It’s hard to really see what she’s trying to say in this music video. See if you can figure it out. I’m stumped. I’m thinking it’s about World War 2 or dinosaurs but look, from the little we know about her life it could be anything really.


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