Thursday, June 19, 2008

People Magazine have named Mario Lopez the Hottest Bachelor of 2008 and that’s got to be a boost for him after he was passed over quite aggressively for the 2(x)ist underwear campaign last week because there was a hotter and cuter guy in the cast of A Chorus Line named Nick Adams. In fact, because of that, wouldn’t that mean that Nick Adams is the Hottest Bachelor by default? That’s what the math suggests to me…

Well, truthfully no it wouldn’t because, in my experience working with editorial departments, these things are a package deal. It’s the whole package you have to consider. Not just a hotness contest. Mario has been passing himself off as an actor for years and maintaining himself through the use of his body. He’s like Matthew McConaughey. Everything is built on an empire of meat. Perhaps this is really just an homage to that momentus whore effort. Here you go Mario, here’s a bone – catch!

Mario really seems to be emerging as more of a desperate Joan Crawford esque douche by the day now. He parades around milking everything for all he can get – primarily by showing off his body as much as he can, but then when there’s no one around he gets nervous and jittery. I bet that’s why he goes to the gym. Because he’s a nutcase who stares at himself while he works his biceps saying things like, “the burn means you’re closer to love.” Things like that.

I bet he’s turned tricks before. Elderly showbiz men. He cried afterwards but then realized that crying caused lines so he forced himself to stop. Tears aren’t marketable. [source]

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