Thursday, June 19, 2008

The National Enquirer is reporting that Jamie Lynn Spears has given birth to her kid. She’s now an unwed mother. I wonder how the family hold their heads up at church. According to the Enquirer, the little girl weighed 6 pounds, 10 ounces and was born at 8:30am this morning.

They apparently want to name her Caillyn or Cassie which is a combination of her and her boyfriend Casey Aldridge’s names. That’s what people apparently do in the south. They just combine the parents’ names and end up with the kid’s name. The thing that’s really bugging me about this is that the Spears family have far too many Lynns. Plus, they don’t say “Lynn” either, they put in some extra syllables and they say “Leeeeyun” because that’s how southern folk talk.

Jamie Lynn and Casey Aldridge look like the kinds of kids who would have been the popular alpha kids at high school. She would have been the drama showpony and he would have been a football quarterback. They’d go to tailgating parties together and make out because he’d get a little aggressive after drinking half a keg. She’d give in because she didn’t want to make a scene. Then, they’d laugh at the skinny, socially awkward geeks who wore head gear and in a few years they’d both be fat and resentful because an adolescence of entitlement led them to a young adulthood of morbid obesity and unemployment. Sadly, they seem to have subverted that trajectory by having this child.

Or have they….


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