Thursday, March 06, 2008

Victoria Beckham is apparently slated to appear in her own reality TV show which, of course, is focused on Fashion that is based on Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares .

So, let me guess. After the first three minutes of each show focusing on how a perpetually imploding Victoria Beckham charges around her mansion getting ready to leave the house wearing sunglasses at all times and acting like every walkway in her house in a makeshift runway she will travel in grand, ostentatious, classless LA meets UK chav style to some small town in America where she’ll meet some stay at home mother who, just coincidentally, idolizes Beckham in a way only a culture starved, over worked, underpaid, marginally educated suburban housewife could. They walk around the house, Beckham performs equal parts snobbery, shock at the commonality of her living conditions and then ultimate humility by performing a dynamic where it seems like they’re suddenly best friends. Oh, and Victoria Beckham will absolutely fall in love with one tiny aspect of the person’s house. The easy choice here is a dog but it could be a kid, a kid in a tutu, a plant or a poster of the Spice Girls. It couldn’t ever possibly bean entire room though. That just wouldn’t seem sincere. I mean, the Beckhams have gold taps encrusted with jewels for Christ’s sake.

SO, then they go and shop and it’s basically Queer Eye but with more celebrity spectacle in small town America and with more hard judgement from Victoria Beckham. Remember this is Fashion based tough love.
I mean, I guess it works. But ultimately, Gordon Ramsay’s show works because he’s actually really amazing as a chef. I think he can be a total tool for the camera but the show is really amazing because he demonstrates every single time that he’s actually completely at the top of his game as a chef. HE’s always right, the show is about cutting the bullshit and it completely works because there’s generally a happy ending. Ramsay can be a cock but you can tell he wouldn’t be if you were just ready to cut the self delusion. I mean, look at this quality ranting. How can Beckham even think to compete:

I really just don’t think Victoria Beckham has that much expertise to impart. This is the woman who went into the house of all the LA socialite women, the gaudy, hideously over decorated McMansion with a bunch of disconnected inane socialite freaks and described them as fabulous. To the camera. When they weren’t even there. Gordon Ramsay would have torn the shit out of them and that makes good TV. Beckham really only fell into fashion because she realised that after all that, she actually isn't a musician. She likes the unemotional surface. When did this realisation happen? Like 2 years ago at the same time she moved to the chronically superficial town of Los Angeles. What a coincidence.

Obviously, I’m watching but still. At least I know why I’ll hate it ahead of time. [source]

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