Oh look at that, it turns out Jessica Simpson isn’t going to be bunking with the troops while performing in Kuwait after all. No, she’ll be staying at a plush hotel and turning up to perform her extraordinarily complex and energetically fulfilling catalogue of original quality numbers that the world has come to love just like any other high maintenance celebrity performer who travels to foreign lands in search of international absolution by performing for the troops.
What a shame really. It seemed like bunking with the troops might have been the answer to her recent chronic losing streak when it’s come to movies and the fact that she’s being relegated to writing country music rather than continuing with pop fluff as she’d worked towards all these years. All she had to do was show a little humility and get down there in the trenches for two days and, just like Prince Harry did in Iraq, John McCain did with the hot dog lunch at the White House, and President Bush keeps trying to do with his numerous speeches that contain words that don’t even exist.
Simpson has been so hated of late that the entire state of Texas considers her a bad luck omen for the Dallas Cowboys and so, with this recent news that she’ll be insisting on a plush hotel room and a crapload of other vastly over priced fluff, we can expect nothing to change. Hell, maybe she’ll evolve into the anti-Christ sooner or later. Gosh, wouldn’t that be fun?! [source]