Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

Knut the polar bear that turned into a celebrity and was featured on the front page of Vanity Fair with Leonardo di Caprio has turned from a cuddly cub into a publicity-addicted psycho, one of his keepers claimed yesterday. Markus Roebke said Berlin Zoo's celebrity animal was obsessed with the limelight and howled with rage when denied an audience and I would like to say that I predicted this MONTHS ago. I knew he was the Lindsay Lohan of bears. I just knew it. He’s been brought up to believe that he’s a celebrity bear when he’s not really. He’s going to be less cute as the years go by and less people will care. Then where will he be? He needs some kind of trade to keep him ok. Like, he needs to not become Corey Haim. I think this is also further proof that that celebrity induced personality disease that Britney Spears seems to have really hammered into the public consciousness is a real thing. Michael Jackson also had it. So did Joan Crawford. So does Ann Coulter and Michael Lucas. Now a small polar bear cub has it. When will this horror end? When? [source]

Researchers at the New England Historic Genealogical Society found some remarkable family connections for the three presidential candidates — Democratic rivals Obama and Clinton, and Republican John McCain. There is also apparently a genetic link between Brad Pitt and Barack Obama and Angelina Jolie and Hillary Clinton. We’re talking about really remote links like 9th cousins etc. which isn’t really THAT surprising, it’s just that we don’t really think about 9th cousins very much. I mean, I don’t and that means no one else does either. What I do like is that there has been a concerted effort to prove that all the important people in the US, as in the people who somehow represent desire or power are actually from the same family. Just to reinforce how far away everyone else is from being empowered. [source]

A man in Germany fled his home half naked for cold, snow-swept streets to escape a mouse in his living room, authorities said on Thursday."He said there was nothing he was more afraid of," police in Goettingen said in a statement. I flat out do not believe that he was afraid of a mouse. Because he was in Germany, I think he basically just wanted to engage in a little of the old official public past time of public nudity and so he did it and then when people reacted badly he came up with the mouse story. A likely story indeed. Besides, aren’t German mice meant to be enchanted? I mean, they do cool shit like make you chocolate houses and turn into princes and stuff. What’s to be afraid of? If he were in New York of Beijing then fine but Germany? No, he just wanted a watertight excuse to get naked. [source]

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