Friday, September 19, 2008
The New York Post reports that Paris Hilton’s pets are left to roam all over the neighborhood in which she lives and that two of her Chihuahuas were eaten by coyotes earlier this week.
The only reason I can think of that this is being reported is because, as Michael Musto pointed out this week – Paris Hilton hasn’t been to jail in over a year. Indeed, when you think about it, what exactly has Paris Hilton been doing? Nothing really. Probably just shopping and practicing in front of the mirror. Practicing shopping that is. My guess is she got a little antsy and looked around to find something the media might be interested in when it comes to her – usually her garbage will do – and she decided she would sacrifice a couple of animals.
It’s that old routine – sort of like Meryl Streep in Death Becomes her – when she’s practicing how to look surprised in front of a mirror before Goldie Hawn walks in.
She throws the yelping dogs out into the brisk night air, only the moon lighting her way, they scurry about unaware and she stops just before she locks them out. A coyote howls at the moon, she shivers, looks down at the dogs, shakes off her emotional response and closes the door. Then she orders herself a pizza, a wedding cake and 5 dozen roses to make herself feel better. After all, she was the one who suffered most from the whole experience of sacrificing her dogs. It was for the greater good though. Those dogs were essentially indoctrinated into a fame based Hilton brand jihad simply by being purchased by Hilton in the first place.
SO – the dogs die, she finds them, she quickly reacts emotionally and bang, she’s back in the media. [source]