Monday, May 19, 2008

TMZ is reporting that Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag ate about 800 dollars worth of food at an LA restaurant and then tipped basically nothing. They’re apparently as cheap as they are pointless.

See, here’s the thing. I just went to Vienna for the weekend and it was actually amazing. I talked with Sophie Ellis Bextor about all sorts of really freakish things including whether or not the English really do like Sploshing and then when she told me she uses the riding crop she was carrying to make her 4 year old son clean his room I said, “You know, if you keep that routine up while wearing the latex dress you’re in your son will either grow up to be a genius artist or a really complicated fetishist” and her husband, this guy from the UK band “The Feeling” who was adorable, stood there nodding. It was some of everyone’s finest work.

When you come back and find out that not only are Spencer and Heidi still alive, they’re getting press for not tipping – it just knocks you the hell back down to an unusually low quality and almost grating level of reality. Ok, let’s be honest – I want to put my face on a railroad track and have it repeatedly nibbled by several rats who are squealing and running all over me in a jittery, rat-like manner. That’s what I want.

Would someone please just penetrate Spencer Pratt so afterwards he sits there in the corner and quivers and then never speaks again? I get the feeling that if he doesn’t speak again Heidi will melt away too. [source]

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