Thursday, May 29, 2008

Just as inexplicable interest in the marriage between Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson has died down, they have announced that Ashlee is indeed pregnant through Pete Wentz’s site, “”. It’s just another wave in the self propelling fluff campaign that is the Wentz Simpson Empire of Nothingness.

Here’s the quote:

"While many have speculated about this, we wanted to wait until after the first trimester to officially confirm that we are expecting our first child. This is truly the most joyous time in our lives and we are excited to share the happy news and start our family." - Pete and Ashlee Wentz

Look at that! She’s changed her name. Well, it’s like I always say: Republican women know their place.

God, I have a hard time with these stories. With the general realization actually. I have a hard time with the general realization that Pete Wentz may be more of a douche bag than I am willing to admit. Ashlee Simpson is a created LA product like P!NK or Lavigne except she’s even more pathetic because she’s not filling the mainstream cultural space between something and it’s polar opposite – she’s actually filling the cultural space between her sister and her sister’s cultural opposite. So, it’s this insular family thing. Here we have the ditz blonde country singer and next to her, the faux punk anti-establishment answer to it. Ashlee Simpson’s pointlessness has never shocked or disappointed me. Hell, my ex boyfriend and I had a good laugh at one of her songs once and it was cute.

Wentz on the other hand is hot and was kind of progressive. He’s sexy and open but now it’s all just calculated bullshit and the edginess is now a product as well. It’s like he’s the personification of wearing tight grey jeans, a low cut V neck t shirt from American apparel, Rayban Wayfarers, a pork pie hat, checked Vans and a Palestinian scarf around your neck. It’s a commodified generic look.

I also find it difficult to believe that, with reports that Tony Romo will only date Jessica Simpson if Joe Simpson backs the hell off, that Pete Wentz wasn’t beaten into submission by Joe which means he’s even more spineless. Just sign the contract, cash in and don’t look up for the crippling disappointment on your teenaged fans’ faces, Pete.

When are we going to get the Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson flavoured breakfast cereal. It’d be black star marshmallows and then air. Like, it’d be mostly air. You’d get three marshmallows that are black but in the milk they’re really just blue. And then when you eat them you puke. Relentlessly for hours. You puke for hours and after those hours are up you wonder what the hell happened. Sort of like me now after writing this. You should SEE the mess. [source]

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