Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Oh God, FASCINATING! Beyonce Knowles is STILL refusing to confirm whether she and Jay Z got married in early April but thank GOD the press are still interested and clamoring for answers. Now people are speculating about whether or not Beyonce is pregnant. Just as an aside, wouldn’t it be interesting if they’d clamored for answers from the White House at any point during the last 8 years with the same intensity?

But anyway, this is really important.

What the hell is with celebrities who will walk about with their lovers, making out with them in public and getting married and then refusing to acknowledge their actions. Actually, I really can’t believe I am even wondering about this. Rihanna did it with whoever the hell she’s dating but that’s because she’s a robot and does what she’s told.

Beyonce is doing it so she doesn’t upset Jay Z and incur his wrath and get the stick again.

Essentially though, the deny deny deny, hint, show, act surprised, pull rank in interviews about decency and repeat cycle thing is just another way of keeping press attention. Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson are doing this too with invitations to their wedding being sent out but no specific location being mentioned. I mean, clearly the difference here is that nowhere near as many people give a shit about Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson unless Pete Wentz decides he’ll walk down the aisle naked which I can actually imagine him saying he’ll do because he’s predictable like that and it’s “edgy”. Pete Wentz is edgy.

I was going to write more about the Simpson Wentz marriage but there’s nothing to say and all I ever do is drift into some fictionalized account of what might have happened behind closed doors and it always involved Pete Wentz masturbating while standing in front of a mirror. And a fat, sweaty man in the background of a meeting eating fried chicken and wiping his hands on his shirt.

So, in short, Beyonce Knowles still may or may not have actually married and also may be pregnant because she may have put on some weight. Wow, great premise for an actual story Page Six. This is all happening in the same way that Star Jones may or may not have had stomach banding and Sean Bell may have been murdered as a racially motivated hate crime. [source]

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