Tuesday, May 27, 2008

A German website has posted a report that, according to Perez Hilton, says Amy Winehouse now has to wear incontinence pants presumably because she doesn’t have control over her bowels. A typical scenario for Winehouse therefore, could be that she is walking down the street, singing a little song to herself while looking at gardens and flowers and kittens and whatever else, then she suddenly realizes she’s shat her pants. Oh, what a downer.

The thing is, I don’t have any idea what this news report says because it’s all in German so I’m just trusting Perez on this. I did read through it and I’ve figured out that “von” in German means “of” or “from” so that’s a nice thing and it means that I can tick that word off my list of words in German that I need to learn. The list now simply contains every other word.

Still, it’s interesting to me that the Germans would be reporting on the bowel habits of Winehouse and no one else should be. Granted, the story is based on one of those crotch shot photos and she could just be wearing white y fronts stuffed with toilet paper because she’s going to a drag king party. Perhaps it is far more likely that the Germans simply WANT Winehouse to be unable to control her bowels because that’s what Germans enjoy. They enjoy bowel failure.

OR – she’s about to try and move to Germany and she’s buttering them up by releasing stories in the media about how bowel centric her life is. Because that will win the Germans over. It could be sort of like when Madonna released “I Love New York” and everyone thought she was moving to New York and when Michael Jackson started slagging off the Jews because he wanted to move to Saudi Arabia. One thing is now for certain: celebrity diplomacy is so much more ill-conceived that regular diplomacy. [source]

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