Monday, May 19, 2008

The thrilling news from E! is that “Living Lohan” premieres next weekend and, as is the case with all reality shows, the real hook and anchor is not the linear narrative they’re purporting it is. It’s how annoying the person at the center of the inanity is.

“Living Lohan” is supposed to be about Dina Lohan, the gorgon-esque mother of Ali and Lindsay acting as the manager for Ali Lohan as she tries to get her famous. Ok, so, then theoretically we’d see her auditioning and getting parts, not getting parts, being trapped in traffic, making the shoot, not making the shoot, wanting to eat macaroni and cheese with her friends while watching The Hills, not being allowed to eat macaroni and cheese with her friends while watching The Hills because she’s on a diet and because they have to go to a shoot or audition at which she may or may not get the part.

I suppose it will be that and a whole lot more – minus Lindsay who decided not to take part because she thought it was a bad idea – which, is in itself an astonishing indication of how vile it will be.

But far more than anything else, this show will be about the depths of delusion of the mother. It was basically be about how insane and ruined Dina Lohan is and the plot won’t really matter.

Plus, it will also be about trying to figure out whether Dina Lohan knows how screwed she is and what her angle is so she just hams it up or whether she’s actually a hideous hell-mother Mama Rose who can’t see that she’s a trucker beast with an ego the size of a small African nation.

See how it’s all about chaos and drama and fluff and yet we will watch anyway? I refuse to watch a lot of reality TV because I feel like it just wants me to get angry and therefore to get addicted to the full on adrenalin rush of hatred but I will have to watch this. I simply must.

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