Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

Alexander D. Smith, 31 from Georgia walked into a bank and handed over a one million dollar bill to the teller saying that he wanted to deposit it into his account. The one miniscule flaw in his plan to become a millionaire overnight is, of course, that there’s no such thing as a one million dollar bill and as such the teller refused to deposit it. It was at that point that Smith started cursing the teller out so he was charged with disorderly behavior. If he had just not started to shout he could have walked out of there with his dignity in tact and able to go home, get out the crayons and perhaps draw a note of lower value that could have been more plausible. The way it really happened, he just looks silly now. [source]

As part of a Chilean charity telethon, a hooker named Maria Carolina raised 4000 dollars by donating 27 hours of sex. It’s sort of kooky and hilarious just at this point but then when you learn that the audience for the telethon was mainly conservative Catholics and the charity is for disabled children it just gets SO much better. The great part about it is that you KNOW the Catholics were sitting there all excited about being judgmental and mean to her but then it comes down to money so they sort of gave in and found some kind of loop hole in their arbitrary sieve like moral system and let it slide. "There are people who are going to be donating money that's a lot more questionable than mine," Carolina said. "The only thing I did was publicize it.". I imagine I’m not the first to think this but perhaps she should run for President. Or some kind of icon. She should run for icon. Actually, she should fight that woman from Puerto Rico who may have pretended her makeup had pepper spray in it. Yes. Perfect. Yes, there should be tag team cat fight with Marie Osmond, the Puerto Rican beauty queen and Maria Carolina. Carolina would win hands down. Even in a wading pool full of pudding. [source]

Along with independent thought, breathing on the upbeat and crispy duck outside public restrooms in China, the organizers of the Beijing Olympics have now banned fireworks sellers from setting up shops within 100 meters of all 31 official Olympic venues. Of course you can easily buy the fireworks and then 100 meters to a venue while carrying them thus rendering the entire operation more or less redundant but that would take the fun out of relentless, rule based administration in China. Plus, isn’t the opening ceremony meant to be this huge multi media production that somehow represents the hosts nation’s history and culture? The Chinese invented fireworks. That’s like saying to Australia not to include a winecooler or America not to include deep fried Coke. It has an artistically crippling effect. I’m just DYING to see what will actually be left in China next year after another year of mad rule making. Maybe they’ll end up with that old man playing the koto from Union Square subway stop and a couple of a fortune cookies. Excellent. [source]

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