Friday, August 15, 2008

Page Six reports that Rumer Willis, the tuber headed daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore is in Sunday’s Page Six Magazine because for some unfathomable reason she’s worthy of a really high profile celebrity interview feature and in the article she is quoted as saying:

"My sisters, Scout and Talullah, had cute nicknames," she says. "When I was 12 and had crushes on guys, I'd put my first name with their last name, but it never sounded right. Rumer Depp? Nope. In school, kids would sing, 'Rumer, Rumer with a big hairy tumor.'

She also says she was shocked to be named one of People's 100 Most Beautiful People this year: "After being compared to Jay Leno for so long, you don't think of yourself in that way."

I really think all of that is very very easy to put together and explain and I'm unsure why everything is completely clear. Here we go:

1) Yes, Rumer your name sucks, your parents don’t really suck but they chose fucking shit arse names for you and your sisters.

2) Your head indeed looks like a fungal growth with hair on it. Not sure if the kids at school didn’t like the word “fungal” or maybe they didn’t know it. Either way “fungal” or “tumor” are both equally viable so tumor it was. Your head resembles cancer.

3) Don’t be shocked you got into the list. It was put together by a spineless editorial team who are heavily influenced by vicious, soulless publicists, you or your parents have publicists, consequently, you made the list. People Magazine isn’t burdened by a quest of cultural analysis excellence, clearly.

4) You look like Jay Leno, still. It’s the chin. I mean, you knew that right? Of course you did. As if you haven’t considered sawing it off yourself or at least filing it down gradually. You still look like Jay Leno. You are really uninteresting. I’m so amazed I’m still talking about this. [source]

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