Friday, January 19, 2007

Sex in Hong Kong lasts around 18 minutes on average, according to the products details of a new musical flavoured condom gift pack designed by Ondo Creations (what a high impact sentence).

If you buy the gift pack, it contains condoms that are flavoured and it also contains a CD of music which starts out slowly and softly and gradually gains momentum, no doubt to promote and represent the same momentum of having sex.

Ok, great. Except not if you want to have sex for more than 18 minutes. But, really - who actually cares? What's the bet it's just adult contemporary easy listening that reeks of pastel Florida-esque saxophone solos that emulate nothing but the sad desperate feeling of being in an apartment that "comes tastefully decorated" except it's not really tasteful at all, is it? Just turn off the CD.
The great thing about this story are the quotes from the guy who owns the company that invented the musical flavoured condom experience.

First there's the panic stricken:

"We try to create products that are not embarrassing, but very trendy and hip. It's a lifestyle product."

And then, the deliciously wicked:

"There's a market gap in the condom industry that we may be able to make fun -- and also penetrate," said Tsang who expected a 30 percent surge in sales ahead of Valentine's Day.

Because penetrate is a word that can mean both the successful intergration of a product into a particular market AND it can also refer to penetrative sex where someone physically enters another person. What makes this relevant is that the product they're talking about is a condom - so, the humour is, in fact, multi-faceted and I'm. Just. Dying.

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