Monday, January 22, 2007

Celebrity Madness

Naomi Campbell is sentenced to 5 days menial labor for beating her assistant in the face. To recover she does what anyone else would do and convalesces in South America while consulting a socialite witchdoctor and picking up an award which makes her an ambassador.

Angelina Jolie's corporately constructed image as a humanitarian and mother begins to crack, reports the New York Times, meaning that sooner or later the demonic serpents should exit through holes in her face and leave the original vessel empty.

Isaiah Washington fires his publicist - because it was the publicist's fault all along- hires a crisis management firm and meets with gay community organisations to begin to save his career.

Prince Harry takes time off while his military unit trains to go to war. While no one is saying anything explicitly, it seems like there's no way he'll go to Iraq. After all when it comes to aristocrats, military service is more or less the equivalent of a contracted wife for closeted gay moviestars in Hollywood. It gets them mainstream appeal they wouldn't ordinarily muster up.

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