Monday, January 15, 2007

More relationship woes have been reported for the pandas in Thailand who were married 18 months ago in a lavish ceremony involving an ice and fruit cake and a multitude of foreign human dignitaries. After they were married and shown panda porn it appears the male is too fat to actually mate.

At some point, no amount of funding and validating media attention will convince this relationship to work. Worldwide panda population emergency aside, perhaps these pandas simply aren't meant to be together. OR. The fat one is an abuse victim who is now eating emotionally because he's freaked out. Maybe the female is passive aggressive. Maybe the male is gay? People clearly underestimate the complexities of the male panda psyche.

If this loveless, sexless panda marriage has taught us anything it's that pandas, now obviously primarily the male panda, are about as complex as the four obsessive women on Sex and the City.

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