Wednesday, October 31, 2007

When Tom Cruise speaks it’s always gold these days and it’s especially heartwarming gold when he talks about his kids. Female First in the UK reports that Tom Cruise doesn’t treat his adopted kids Connor and Isabella any differently than his actual daughter Suri.

That’s essentially the first line of the article which, we can only assume, means that this is a pressing issue and therefore the main point had to be put out there first. The rest of the quotes in the article dissolve into New Age, Scientologist freak-ass drivel.

This mindless crap, for instance:

“We can look at other people, see what we have in common with them, and celebrate our differences from them."

Oh GOD shut up.

But, Tom Cruise's inanity aside, where the hell ARE the other kids? Did the original family disband like the Reagans? I heard a while ago they were spending the summer at a scientologist summer camp for kids which sounds pretty much identical to the way Suri spent her summer; cavorting all over the world in a private jet wearing Burberry fashions for tots while being relentlessly photographed by international paparazzi. Yeah, Tom totally treats his kids equally. But then, the adopted kids were always a hinderance to his heterosexuality anyway. A real kid trumps two adopted kids in the straight leading man marketing stakes.
Plus, while we’re obsessing: any money Isabella is a lesbian and eventually she’ll come out with a book to rival that of “Mommie Dearest” by Christina Crawford. God, I would totally read that book and I totally don’t buy these celebrity tell-all rapid fire books.

Actually, if Katie Holmes gets out alive she should do a one woman show about being married to a bipolar control freak narcissist human shell. She could start putting it together now in her wing of the Mapother compound. That is, when the watchful, judgemental matronly eye of Cruise’s mother isn’t staring at her through the peepholes in the paintings. Tom Cruise’s mother has teeth like James Coburn. [source]

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