Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

The Northern Chinese city of Zhengzhou has banned use of "seductive" words like "foxy lady", "handsome guy" and "moneybags" in marriage advertisements as part of their campaign to stamp out fraud linked to marriage. I can understand why people would want to defraud their way into the United States or actually, more understandably, France or the UK but I don’t quite get why you’d want to push your way into China. Maybe it’s the tax benefits. Sure, that’s it. The massive tax benefits afforded to citizens of the Republic of China. Wow, it’s all tax write offs and swanning about Shanghai on your tax return when you’re Chinese. Anyway, so – banning these words is supposed to stamp that out. At this point, there’s only really air and children left to ban in China. Which one will go first? It’s so exciting taking guesses. [source]

The EPA has just announced that squirrel meat in New Jersey is safe to eat. Well, that’s a load off my mind. What a joyous occasion it is now that I can finally return to the always entertaining New Jersey and tuck into a hearty plate of barbecued squirrel on the side of the road with some random old drunk homeless guy. Because, let’s face it – who the hell else is eating squirrel besides homeless people in New Jersey and well-to-do inbred hicks in Kentucky. But come on: the only thing that makes a squirrel substantially different from a rat is the full bushy furry tail. Sort of like the difference between a fashion journalist and a celebrity publicist who actually thinks they’re a celebrity. Oh, that’s mean. I can’t be bothered retracting though. [source]

I got this one via DListed.com and it really is a pearler: Andrew Merino, 24 of New Jersey was just arrested for having sex with the corpse of a 92 year old woman. He faces 10 years prison if convicted. The thing is, as dlisted.com points out, he’s actually kind of hot. I mean, he really looks like your classic dumb assed alpha male suburban thug who was destined to obsess over his body building and stupid, gauche hotted up car while standing outside some rancid guido nightclub until he eventually got some ho pregnant and then had to take any job he could find so he could support the kid finding that without the time to work out and play video games he ages rapidly and looks 40 by the time he’s 27 but then, hang on, maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to judge. I mean, that’s what he looks like but I’d never have picked him as a corpse fucker. I probably wouldn’t have ever picked anyone as a corpse fucker though, so you know – so much for that theory. Anyway, isn’t it all just happening in New Jersey right now. Non-toxic rodent meat, hot dumb guys screwing elderly corpses. Look, it’s hard being the Susan Lucci of states, it really is…[source]

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