Friday, October 10, 2008

The National Enquirer reports that Avril Lavigne’s husband, Deryck Whibley has been spotted out with another woman prompting rumours that he’s cheating on Lavigne.

Deryck Wibley is a member of that club of men who are husbands that sort of have a personality but don’t really and they are married to high maintenance women who are more or less successful, at least compared to them. Other members of this club include Guy Ritchie, Marc Anthony, Jordan Bratman, actually, Katie Holmes too (she’s an honorary member because Tom Cruise is such a freaking woman and she’s still more or less a teenager). K-Fed used to be a member of this club too.

The thing about Deryck is that in a lot of ways he was driven to drinking and cheating and any other kind of escapism because he’s actually been legally tied to Avril LAvigne for the past 2 years. I mean, that’s like being tied to the spoilt brat, perpetually teenaged equivalent of a mix between a washed out Debbie Harry and a box of high fructose corn syrup saturated breakfast cereal pellets manufactured by a massive corporation that has a corporate head office somewhere in an Industrial park that is surrounded by cement bordered pleasant lawns that no one walks on and bare, skinned back depressed saplings that haven’t had a chance to grow yet.

He deserves an award for stamina if nothing else. What the fuck would day to day life be like if you were married to Avril Lavigne? Jesus, you’d probably have to send her to her room for being appallingly behaved and she’d sulk in her room by playing S Club 7 really loud on her pink portable stereo and she’d write melodramatic, self involved poetry in her pink plastic diary that has an electronic lock on the front that could be broken open with one smash of your hair brush.

Avril Lavigne is officially pointless now anyway seeing as Britney Spears has successfully transcended the anti-thesis and the initial manifestation of her own original persona and is still making records. [source]

No comments: