The Reluctant Whore

The Daily Mail in the UK is reporting that the skeleton of another strange, mysterious and incredible beast has been found on the beach in Devon reigniting interest in the dreaded and feared Beast of Exmoor that was apparently responsible for the mauling of 100 sheep. Unlike the blood curdling, fear marinated story of that weird, dry, sunburned cat like thing that washed up along the shore of Long Island a while ago, this thing is huge and is probably just a large cat like a panther, according to experts.

The actual Police had a hand in investigating the find and PC Tucker added: 'It's a good 5ft and it has black fur. It certainly looks quite beast-like with those teeth.'

I tell you, a quality beast sighting is always a good thing. It’s almost better than a celebrity sighting because beasts are so much less predictable. On a fundamental level, it’s hard to justify using the words maul, beast, and mysterious all in the same sentence when you’re talking about celebrities unless you’re talking about their publicists so I always welcome a beast sighting. Especially if one involves official confirmation that giant cats live in Britain. What an absurd notion and yet, it’s true!

Plus, there really are semi regular beast sightings too. All over the world. The places where the beasts are more likely to be real, however, always tend to be places with access to areas of higher cultural density.

There’s a mysterious monster in Africa that apparently goes around raping men at night and I’m almost certain there’s no real cause for alarm there except from whoever came up with that story. I'd be surprised if the originator of that myth isn’t an hysterical Catholic, Muslim or member of some other sex phobic religion. Reports of that African rape beast only usually surface around election time anyway.

So, in short, Hooray for Beasts! [source]