Thursday, July 24, 2008

It turns out that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s twins, Knox - presumably named after Knox Grammar School and Vivienne - presumably named after my old pal, Vivienne Leigh - were conceived through in-vitro therapy. Us Weekly Magazine reports that

The actress chose the procedure (which can cost around $12,000 a pop) so "she wouldn't have to deal with the stress of trying to get pregnant," the source tells Us. "She could just knock it out."

The thing about this whole ordeal, and let’s face it - it really IS a cultural ordeal that we must all look squarely at, is that a lot of this “language” is actually code for other things. It is code for otherworldly things that are not that easily understood by people who aren’t living muses like Pitt and Jolie.

Plenty of people have in vitro therapy and conceive and that’s completely common, yes. When Pitt and Jolie say “in vitro”, however, they’re really referring to a kind of post modern version of the Immaculate Conception. I just typed “immaculate conception” and the (evidently Catholic) Microsoft Word spellcheck indicated that there was a problem with the fact that I hadn’t capitalized the two words so I think Microsoft Word has a bit of an idea about what we’re talking about here.

For Pitt and Jolie, regular sex is essentially an ordeal because it’s so limited and human. When the two movie stars connect on a primal, physical and spiritual level it involves a sort of multi media experience that combines the properties of astral projection, telekinesis, exfoliation (of the soul), the bursting life affirming excitement inherent in wonderfully fresh pesto made from scratch and served on freshly baked rustic Italian bread and also e mail (top notch iPhone style e mail from a private plane where you can still use electronic devices as the aircraft takes off). It’s hard to sum it up any other way.

So, yes, they may not have had regular, clumsy, human sex to get pregnant but when they say “in vitro” they are talking in code – again to spare us the headache that comes when we attempt to get our common heads around what its like to be the living embodiment of everything pure and good and potent and frighteningly good. Which is what they are. [source]

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