Two pop cultural trainwrecks have just been snatched up to be the faces of two top fashion lines; Kirsten Dunst for Miu Miu and Victoria Beckham for Marc Jacobs.
The weird thing about this is that because fashion is such an ethereal, arbitrary PR driven image based cultural entity, it strikes me as odd that these two women would actually end up being the embodiment of what any company would want as the face of it.
I’ve never really hated Kirsten Dunst. I mean, she was really good in Interview with a Vampire when she was a kid and I liked The Cat’s Meow she really doesn’t completely suck as an actor. Apparently, people think she’s a snaggle toothed drunk but I’ve never really given a shit. I’m just sort of unsure what it is exactly that she would embody for Miu Miu. She seems to fluctuate between needy whore and LA style hipster but then doesn’t every innocuous actress her age? More or less? So, you know what? Go for it Kiki. Sharpen those fangs, tape those breasts into your loosely fitting top, hide that vomit in your 30,000 dollar handbag and walk that walk.
What the hell do I care?
Beckham is another story though. It doesn’t matter how much surge she gets or how much she tans, how many jewels are encrusted on her freaking faucets and how much she greases down her hair or sucks in her cheeks or even how much she doesn’t eat or smile – that bitch will always be a common ass English slag. She is forever doomed to play the evil side of the dichotomy that makes up the David and Victoria equation. David Beckham is talented, nice, down to earth and naturally hot. Victoria is talentless, cold, mean, maddeningly high maintenance, dehydrated, plastic and probably sticky. They admittedly can’t exist without each other but what the hell on EARTH does she embody that Marc Jacobs could possibly benefit from. She’s living proof that money can’t buy you class and that’s the absolute opposite of everything fashion stands for.
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