The Reluctant Whore

So, here’s a Britney update in one god damned post because otherwise she’d just dominate everything.

OK Magazine reports that Britney hasn’t necessary failed her drug tests, it’s just that there was evidence of what is allegedly used to treat narcolepsy in her, I don’t know – I guess urine. If she really does have Narcolepsy, then it might explain her repeated use of the cowboy boots. Truthfully, considering her diet, I’m actually astonished the urine didn’t burn through the plastic cup before it could be tested. [source]

Overall though, even though she proved that no publicity is bad publicity by acting like a psychotic LA based beast while her album climbed the charts to the number 1 position, Britney hasn’t managed to completely undermine rationality by staying at number 1. No, TMZ.com reports that sales of her album “Blackout” have fallen by about 70% which is apparently normal but also it could be an omen of purity. [source]

The thing is, because it’s essentially a corporately produced product and therefore only has sudden impact value – not unlike a refined sugar high that is instantly addictive but then leaves you feeling empty and pointless and death fixated – it might have had all the impact it’s going to have.

Albums from Alicia Keys and Celine Dion have dropped and so people who like big assed scoops of pop goop are shoveling it in from other sources now.

Celine Dion. Now there’s an interesting freak. She’s managed to keep the whole thing going since she sang “Beauty and the Beast” back in the early nineties. No freaked out breakdown for her. She’s been convalescing in Las Vegas for the past couple of years just raking in the cash for falling onto the stage and belting out a few syrupy numbers 8 nights a week. That’s right, 8. Maybe she moved to Las Vegas because if she did end up shaving her head and eating a crap load of Krispie Kreme no one would notice. Who is to say that Celine Dion hasn’t fallen apart. Maybe her ego did melt and no one even noticed amid the flashing lights and gorging, classless fat people.

But anyway, so, part 2 is Lynne Spears. Good old Mother. The New York Post reports that while Lynn Spears considers herself the reason behind Britney’s behavior like any good Christian woman would, she’s hired a manager to help her really get her name out there with relation to her new book about parenting. It’s interesting how the only thing the public really knows about Lynn Spears at the moment is that she thinks she’s the reason Britney is now a total walking apocalypse and yet, of all the empty celebucrap projects she could come up with to launch, a book on parenting is it.
I sort of feel like that’s such an obvious point that as I write this I’m looking around wondering if there’s something I’ve missed. [source]