The Reluctant Whore

The New York Post just ran this little item in Page Six which has got to be sincerely one of the most pointless items ever. I mean, that’s sort of a big call to make but you know, why not?
Here’s the entire item:

2007 -- WHEN Sila Calderone swept into the Park Avenue apartment of Citibank executive Valentin Hernandez and his wife, Yaz, the other night, somebody asked the glamorous ex-governor of Puerto Rico what she's up to these days. "I've just become a trustee of the New York Public Library," Calderone smiled. "Welcome aboard," boomed longtime trustee John Gutfreund. Also diving into the mozzarella and prosciutto di Parma that Richard Turley schlepped from Arthur Avenue, were Susan Gutfreund, Denise Rich (who was off to her yacht in St. Barts) and Gilles Bensimon with Diana Widmaier-Picasso. Diana, the author of "Picasso: Art Can Only Be Erotic" had some of her grandfather's masterpieces burglarized from her Paris home in August while she slept upstairs. "The French police got them all back," she beamed. That's cause for Thanksgiving.

Ok great: Who the fuck are Sila Calderone, Valentin Hernandez, John Gutfreund, Susan Gutfreund (I mean, I’m assuming she’s John’s wife but still, who gives a shit?), and Gilles Bensimon?

Seeing as they graciously explain that Yaz is the ex-governor of Puerto Rico I was thankfully distracted from assuming she was the 80s singer, I figured Diana Widmaier-Picasso was related to Pablo Picasso somehow but you know that with a double barrel name like that and the fact that she’s whoring it out with some book that she’s got pretty much nothing else going on besides her name and of course Denise Rich is Denise Rich a la the Clintons but whatever?

One thing that really stuck out for me in this item though was the laborious mention of mozzarella and prosciutto di Parma, the fact that that Richard Turley schlepped it from Arthur Street and the fact that people were diving into it. Again, Richard Turley? Proscuitto? Where am I?

Gee, what a knock out post. It just makes me want get lunch and you know what, not even a lot. I mean, I could go some prosciutto and mozzarella but frankly I think mozzarella is often too bland to be anything more than textural filler in a dish which is more or less what this item was in the Post. God, I need a martini. [source]