Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Here’s a remix of the recorded Christian Bale tirade by DJ RevoLucian that was making the rounds yesterday. That's right, it's Christian Bale rage you can dance to. Finally. I mean, I already dance to American Psycho but this is so much more effective.

I was lying in bed, sort of frozen this morning, in that space between being awake and asleep and even though I had far more pressing things to think about, I couldn’t help but think about Christian Bale being such an angry angry man as a way of avoiding my own problems.

Where did this anger start? Did he pick it up in China when he was playing Jim in Empire of the Sun? That’s the only place I can think of based on what I know of his life and I’m pretty sure I know enough about his life to think and talk about it a lot and to draw some pretty reasonable conclusions. I saw Empire of the Sun 14 times. I remember it was on TV once in 1991 and it was a choice between Empire of the Sun and Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles and I wanted to watch the Turtles movie because it was familiar and unchallenging but my parents insisted on Empire of the Sun and in retrospect I thank them for that.

The thing is, Christian Bale is English. When you’re English and you have to be that repressed all the time eventually you explode. Most English people aren’t famous but the ones who are know to live in constant hiding for fear of bursting in public. Christian Bale failed to remember both of those two well-known realities. Now, he may want to think about marketing himself as a human weapon. A killing machine. The perfect killing machine.

Honestly, what else is there?

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