The Reluctant Whore

This week was all about out with the old and in with the new while Britney Spears squirted out a new Federletus and Chris Klein was rumoured to be the father of Suri Cruise. It was certainly out with the old and in with the new for Anna Nicole Smith who, moments after giving birth to HER new daughter in the Bahamas, found her 20 year old son mysteriously dead in a chair in the next room.
But, while all this high profile and STANDARD news fare was being served up here’s what else happened slightly under the radar:
Texans confirmed that they really have no regard for the body’s nutritional needs whatsoever this week when the Texas State Fair unveiled and then gave an award to Abel Gonzales Jr’s new intestine assaulting food manifestation of self abuse: “deep fried coke”. The “dessert” for want of a better word is made up of deep fried coca cola flavoured batter drizzled with coca cola fountain syrup and topped with whipped cream.

Meanwhile, in Wisconsin, three 20 year old boys dug up the corpse of a 20 year old girl in the hopes of having sex with it. The three had stopped at a store on the way to the cemetery to buy condoms."Just when you think you've seen it all,” the local sheriff was quoted as saying. “something strange like this happens,”

And speaking of something strange, over the pond in London, Timmy the Bichon Frise and Muffin the Shih Tzu got married in store at Harrods as part of Harrods Änything is Possible season. The wedding follows on from a publicity stunt where a businessman gift wrapped a helicopter for his wife.

In further expressions of romantic attachment in Europe – or rather, in this case DE-tachement, a genitally obsessed German widow cut off her dead husband’s dick as part of her plan to have it pickled as a reminder of their relationship.
In Scotland, an exceptionally ugly fish at the Royal Museum under went surgery to remove an unsightly growth from it’s eye in response to multiple complaints from customers who found it offensive to look at. The fish now has only one eye but at least the universally beautiful Scots who wander past it each day eating their sheep stomach lunch don’t feel uneasy looking at it and isn’t that’s all that counts?
In India, a three year old German Shepherd has reportedly taken up yoga.
And in larger attempts to keep the peace A Russian mayor has called for prostitution to be made legal in a bid to wipe out a rising tide of extremism. Igor Shpektor, mayor of Vorkuta, said it would give men another way to spend their time rather than getting involved in racist attacks.
Greenpeace Netherlands has issued a statement warning sex toy lovers not to shove the "Spectra Gel Anal Plug" or the "Crystal Jelly Double Dong" inside themselves. As these sex toys apparently contain "extremely high concentrations of phthalate plasticisers which allegedly pose a risk to human health and the environment".
In a move that shocked the world, organisers at Madrid's fashion week turned away underweight models after protests that girls and young women were trying to copy their rail-thin looks and developing eating disorders.
Thousands of people are flocking to a Malaysian village to see a 'ghost tree' which has reportedly sprouted a human face. Housewife Noraziah Zakaria added: "I was curious and shocked to find that the curves indeed look like a human face."
And finally, A Serbian man needed emergency surgery after he had sex with a hedgehog on a witchdoctor's advice.
Zoran Nikolovic, 35, from Belgrade, says the witchdoctor told him it would cure his premature ejaculation.
A hospital spokesman said: "The animal was apparently unhurt and the patient came off much worse from the encounter. We have managed to repair the damage to his penis."