The Reluctant Whore

Us Magazine is reporting that John Mayer has come out with a statement to finally set the record straight about the reasons behind his breakup with Jennifer Aniston and just quietly, I’m really glad because I wasn’t sure if it was about whether or not she wanted kids or marriage or what. This way, I get to know for sure. Here’s what he said:

"If you guys are going to run stuff and run every lie under the sun, have somebody stand up for somebody," the singer challenged. "Have me as a man who ended a relationship stand here and write some truth. Have me stand up for somebody and write that Jennifer Aniston is the smartest, most sophisticated person I think I've ever met.
"She's one of the most lovely people I've ever met in my life and I'm going through something that's a very personal thing and you have to give that up," he said. "You have to give everything up because you can't have it all and it sucks."
"I'm sorry that the story's not interesting," the 30-year-old added. "But it's about time that somebody stands up for that girl and I think she's great."
"People are different, they have different chemistry, they have different lives," he said. "It's not about years, it's about going out with somebody, being truthful on the way in, being truthful in the middle and being truthful on the way out."
The part about this that I really connected with wasn’t the marvelously inanely unimportant message, it was the way it is structured like some kind of presidential speech designed to unite the union and promote selfless patriotism. I can just imagine John Mayer standing up at a podium he creates out of a wooden crate and three human assistants who fall into a kind of contortion act where their bodies form an actual lectern, and he offers out his impromptu pearls of wisdom as an act of grace. It’s an act of grace for John Mayer to do anything because he is actually a muse. He’s a clever straight male who never tires of how wonderful his every whim is. I mean, sure he makes a living by singing on stage and playing he guitar but he’s also amazingly multi-talented and can talk about anything and he can be an adult better than you can.

Keep going John Mayer. Keep going. I’ve got tears in my eyes right now and this is vital stuff. Why don’t you run for public office? [source]