The Reluctant Whore

It’s now goodbye constant mind numbing speculation and urgent need and hello….magazine – as Hello Magazine has just printed images of the new heraldic twins that have leapt forth from the womb of the patron saint of Western Culture, Angelina Jolie. We can finally see images of Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline there and also in People Magazine this Wednesday when the new issue finally comes out in America.

If you’re reading this and you’ve suddenly felt a sense of calm wash over you like some kind of overdose or perhaps similar to the moment you are truly convinced that God will provide you with some kind of clarity – after – I guess an overdose of some kind, then don’t worry, you’re not alone.

Here’s the weird thing about this. The other night I was calmly lying in bed eating canoli and watching The Last Emperor for what must be like the 20th time and I suddenly experienced this insane muscular pain in my chest and for like an hour thought that either I was going to die or someone was hacking the shit out of a voodoo doll somewhere in the world and thinking of me. No idea what the hell it was but I took two muscle relaxants, two pain killers and a melatonin and eventually faded off to sleep and while I was asleep I had a very clear dream that Shiloh Pitt and I were talking about things at a white apartment. I remember very clearly the lips of Shiloh and the way they would move and explain things to me about the world. I remember none of those things now but am basically convinced that Shiloh Pitt astrally projected herself into my dream to tell me something. I woke up and the searing, deadly pain that had attacked me the night before was completely gone and I was fine.

I guess Shiloh is feeling left out now that her position as single and supreme offspring and recipient of the genetic merging of the male and female saints of Western Culture has been sort of diluted if not usurped by the Messianic Twins of Tomorrow and she’s taken to floating about the cosmos and into people’s heads. God, the nicknames just keep rolling off my tongue, don’t they? I mean, out of my head and through my fingers because I’m typing and not speaking. That’s right. No one can hear a word I’m saying in this room. I’m speaking telepathically and these people around me are slightly dull.

In short – the Messianic Twins of Tomorrow are here and officially in Hello Magazine and People and that means we should all give thanks.

I really feel like I could go on forever. [source]