The Reluctant Whore

TMZ is reporting that the Malaysian government’s opposition party is calling for Avril Lavigne’s upcoming concert in Kuala Lumpur to be banned. Pan-Malaysian Islamic Party official Kamarulzaman Mohamed has said that Lavigne’s concert would promote the wrong values – particularly on the eve of Malaysia’s Independence Day, August 31

“It is considered too sexy for us ... we want clean artists."

Ordinarily, mainstream religion’s strategic fear of sex bores me. I mean, it’s always the same old story – sex phobic conservatives campaign against human sexuality by day and engage in animal sex at night complain about morality and they win votes because people like to feel as though they’re going to heaven if they do what they’re told and suffer a bit. Boring. It’s tired. I am so bored by that I can’t even speak.

But this time, religion has really come to the rescue of the Malaysian people. Thanks to that vote-hungry career politician, Malaysia will be spared the contrived, soulless whining angst product that is Avril Lavigne and even if they’re shitted off now, it’s really going to work out better this way. I mean, I can imagine a chunk of hyper active pop cultural participant kids in Malaysia who dye their hair three colors, have prominent eye teeth and who behave badly on cue because they find Lavigne’s anti-Spears behaviour somehow inspires them to rebel against their middle class parents by insisting that they don’t have to eat cornflakes in the morning just because their parents say they have to are a little upset that their demigod might not perform but then those kids are too spoilt and annoying to know what’s best for them anyway.

I know what’s best for them and that is no more Avril Lavigne. Not here, not in Malaysia and not ever. Actually – maybe Lavigne should go to Malaysia anyway and she should be asked what she thinks of the Koran but no one should give her any cultural briefing so when she starts spouting more and more of that contrived bullshit about how she just likes beating people up and how she eat bacon for breakfast and wipes her ass with pages from the Koran the Muslims can just take it from there.

Go on Avril – just relax, don’t edit, turn on your automatic douche mouth and let loose at the Muslims. They’re your greatest fans…[source]