The Reluctant Whore

Page Six reports that Martha Stewart has been struck by lightning twice and she’s still not dead which probably indicates that she’s at least part demon.

Oh, that was an exaggeration. There were parts of that opening line I made up, weren’t there? I wonder which parts. Actually, I don’t have to wonder, I know which. Two different properties were struck by lightning causing damages that were covered by “comprehensive house insurance”.

I’ve never seen anything get struck by lightning and I’ve been around. I mean, I’ve been in quite a few thunderstorms in my time. I think it’s a little suspicious that Martha Stewart would find her property the target of the environment twice and yet I have never even seen lightning strike anything.

From what I know about Martha Stewart – ie. An old colleague of mine is her next door neighbour and once, when I went to his house for dinner, as anyone would, I quickly rifled through her mail but didn’t find anything that interest. From what I gather, she’s a difficult difficult woman. You’d really have to be if you were the head of a massive media organization but your product was pleasant domesticity. You’d become a split personality type. Yeah, that’s the type – a split personality. Plenty of media people are like that.

So, anyway, her New York apartment is on Fifth Avenue in the seventies and apparently when she arrives home the chauffeur has to telephone ahead to let the staff know that she’ll be arriving and all her household staff must stand out the front of the building in full uniform to greet her. She is, in many ways, like Captain von Trapp that way. She differs from the Captain because he learned a lesson about love because of Fraulein Maria but Martha Stewart has not learned that lesson and so now the earth keeps trying to tough love her to death by continuously striking her with lightning.

She was quoted as saying:

"And I'm just so grateful that the house didn't catch fire, causing much more major damage and heartbreak."

Well, not yet Martha, but you wait. The earth is a giver like that. It just keeps pushing until you place falls apart from electrical burnout but at least you finally know what friendship is. [source]