The Reluctant Whore

NME reported last week that Malaysia’s Arts, Culture and Heritage Ministry announced that Avril Lavigne would not be allowed to perform in Kuala Lumpur two days before the nation would celebrate its Independence Day because they consider her highly refined, mature and entertaining musical show to be far too pornographic and sexual. That kind of thing is subjective but I would suggest that they might be missing the central point with Lavigne and that is that while Lavigne isn’t really too sexual, she is a talentless, rancid, spoilt brat with a really great team of stylists painting a personality on her while she plays with her My Little Pony dolls in hotel rooms the world over.

So, as this is essentially a bullshit cry for attention from religious leaders in Malaysia, they’ve all of a sudden turned around and decided that they’re actually ok with Avril Lavigne and that she can perform. Wouldn’t their view be ordained by the virtuous will of God? What happened? Maybe they didn’t realise that their publicist also represents Avril Lavigne and there was a professional conflict. This has happened with The Pussycat Dolls and with Gwen Stefani as well, apparently. Surely the issues these Muslim ministers deal with isn’t SO different each time. Maybe they just like to HAVE to stare for a long time so they can figure it out for SURE that they’re offended. Like elderly suburban Baptist idiots from suburban Sydney and the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras.

I really think there has got to be a better way for these religious government officials to get press than decrying a completely synthetic pop product. Why not ban something practical like chopsticks and hair dye. I mean, surely banning those two things would be inane enough to get to the center of something. I mean, people LOVE chopsticks. People sure as hell don’t love Avril Lavigne as much as they love chopsticks. You know, part of success is working smarter not necessarily harder. Banning Avril Lavigne isn’t as effective as banning chopsticks. I should be working for Malaysia’s Arts Culture and Heritage Ministry. I could get them the exposure they want. I know all sorts of things we could ban. Like data entry as well. Data entry and factory seconds. God, the list is endless. [source]