The Reluctant Whore

Katie Holmes is apparently in talks to star in Arthur Miller’s “All My Sons” on Broadway because she wants to remind people that she can actually act.

She really must be kicking herself at this point. The marriage to Tom Cruise really hasn’t worked out exactly as she’d planned or as anyone would have reasonably expected it to. I mean, I think we’re all fairly clear with the way it was meant to work out.

She marries Tom Cruise thus thwarting her inevitable fate as a nothing actress who fades into post teen series nothingness apart from a few independent films and films made by students with Messiah complexes as NYU. All she had to do was everything he said and have a kid to prove he’s a man and then, seeing as he’s the head of United Artists, he was meant to get her all the film roles she needed to become Nicole Kidman.

I mean, it more or less worked for Nicole.

So, here we are – several years down the track and she’s done everything she was meant to do but he’s really screwing her over on his end of the deal. He’s exhausting to be around, he controls everything, he won’t let her do a whole list of films because there’s sex in them. He won’t let her do sex on screen because it would mean that she would look like a sexual being that exists outside of the context of him and that wouldn’t help his marketability. He needs all her sexuality to own and market as he sees fit.

But the more pressing point here is that the stepford wife hasn’t been seen in anything worthwhile for ever so this could be a great idea. After all, Arthur Miller is an iconic American playright. It’s a classic American play. Consequently, no one will be judging her harshly or comparing her to people who have played the role before her on both the stage and screen going back to 1948. I mean, why doesn’t she just offer to play Sally Bowles in Cabaret on screen? She’s sort of got the hair for it. Oh wait, the resonance that would have with the gays might be too much for Cruise to deal with.

Katie Holmes, in my professional opinion, should just take her cash settlement and run. Sure, she’d never see Suri but eventually Suri would run out of batteries and Tom would be too busy having high maintenance overloads and slamming his head into the cement walls that guard his compound for no apparent reason to remember to replace them. And if a kid has no batteries in it, is it still really a kid? [source]