The Reluctant Whore

The Boston Phoenix has released its list of the 100 Unsexiest Men of 2008 – in March – but still, whatever, I mean it’s still a talking point.

Because they’re all men, most of the reasons for them being unsexy are to do with their personalities or work ethics or something unphysical first and then some one off physical attribute second –unless you’re talking about femme guys like Christian Siriano and Zac Efron who just get beaten down for being blandly annoying or interested in eyeliner.

I love, though, that Ryan Seacrest comes in at number 7, just under the President of Iran Mahmoud Ahmadinejad because he’s managed to forcibly create himself into the most plastic and marketing friendly product in America and has a hand in, it seems, of only the most rancid assed pop culture travesties in existence; the ones that really cater to the lowest common denominator like American Idol and Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Plus, he’s Tom Cruise gay in the sense that he’s so obsessed with status and money that he’s more or less reduced his human soul to a black peanut rattling around inside the tin can that is his body.

I enjoy that that is surpassed only by 6 other people, the first of which is a cruel, Middle Eastern anti-human dictator. It’s reassuring that death by base level pop culture is only just under death by…well…death and torture. Truthfully.

The top 5 are, respectively Lou Dobbs (primarily for his comments about border security), Tom Cruise (because he’s an annoying, delusional cult peddling megalomaniac psychopath bipolar ass), Larry Craig (because his self loathing refusal to admit he’s gay or bisexual), Spencer Pratt (just because he’s sort of like Ann Coulter although you know he’s probably telling people he’s really happy to be at the top of the list), and number 1 is Roger Clemens for being a whole lot of nasty. He’s a sports person so I just can’t be bothered to find out exactly why. Presumably it links to steroid use, spousal assault, lying, probably alcoholism or drug abuse, maybe cheating on his wife, rage attacks. Something like that.

There’s no way The Boston Phoenix could get away with a Unsexiest Women list without being beaten down as sexist pigs though. No way in hell. [source]