The Reluctant Whore

Week #6 in Review

During the week in which Senators Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama essentially tied in the first presidential primary and Governor Mitt Romney dropped out leaving only Senator John McCain and Governor Mike Huckabee on the Republican side, pop star Britney Spears continued to be under psychiatric evaluation in an LA hospital. It was revealed that she phoned her father, Jamie on Sunday to ask him why he hadn’t come to see her and he responded that he had to work; he is a caterer and was cooking food for a Super Bowl party. It was reported that Jamie Spears thinks that Britney’s friend and makeshift manager Osama Lufti may have stolen items from Britney Spears. Later in the week Spears was released from hospital and she went back to driving around Los Angeles with the paparazzi following her. Her parents released a statement to CNN’s Anderson Cooper stating that they felt her being let out of hospital was counter productive to her getting better.

Since Spears went into hospital actress Delta Burke publicly admitted herself to the psych ward of a hospital claiming that she suffers intensely from what she called “hoarding” and actress Kirsten Dunst checked herself into Cirque rehab center after having several of what her friends described as “breakdowns”. Britney Spears’ ex-husband cancelled his plans to star in a reality TV show about being a father and instead accepted an invitation to fly to New York City and attend the Marc Jacobs runway show as part of New York Fashion Week.

It was reported that ex-zeitgeist Paris Hilton denied rumours that she has become a lesbian after making out with actress Elisha Cuthbert, which she claimed she did not do and Hilton’s film, “The Hottie and the Nottie” began showing in cinemas.

The investigation into the death of actor Heath Ledger concluded that his death was caused by accidental overdose of a collection of different anti-anxiety and anti-pain medications, singer Tom Jones insured his chest hair for 3.5 million pounds, actor Colin Farrell was reported to have ashed his cigarette into a glass which he then repeatedly drank from during an interview and it was revealed that pop star Madonna will be appearing in a music video for her new album dressed as a dominatrix who whips pop star Justin Timberlake and producer Timbaland.

Reality TV character Heidi Montag released the music video for her new sing “Higher” to overwhelming negative criticism, musician John Mayer put on the fluorescent yellow one piece swimsuit for men first pioneered by Sacha Baron Cohen’s character. He was standing on the deck of a boat and paraded around in the outfit.

Jenna Hill Miscavige, the niece of the head of the church of Scientology came out in support of "Tom Cruise: An Un-authorized Biography" the new book about actor Tom Cruise by celebrity biographer Andrew Morton and she denounced the religion. Page Six columnist Cindy Adams interviewed Morton about his book and Morton said outright that Tom Cruise is not gay, PETA sent a protester to the home of fashion designer Donna Karan and aggressively confronted her because she uses fur in her designs and it was revealed that the mother of the late Anna Nicole Smith, Virgie Arthur sent e mails to Entertainment Tonight offering them the exclusive rights to footage of her crying at the grave of her dead grandson.

Rapper Fat Joe lashed out at rapper Fitty Cent and called him a coward, and Forbes Magazine released its list of the nation’s top black American earners and not surprisingly Oprah Winfrey topped the list with a daily intake of about $712,000.

In extraordinarily odd news, Australian transsexual Brigitte Fell sued two policemen for allegedly telling her unsuspecting boyfriend about her gender switch which then led to a violent confrontation between Ms. Fell and her boyfriend, a study conducted by Israeli doctors found that Viagra helps the lungs operate in high altitudes and animal rights organization PETA made a formal request to the nation of China to be mindful of the way It treats its rats during this, the year of the Rat.

In Asia, Malaysia police arrested a thief who fell asleep after snacking on cookies in the home of his victim and a leatherback turtle was tracked swimming from the coast of the Papua province in Indonesia to the US state of Oregon.

In the US, the three state legislators from Mississippi who put forward the idea to create a law making it illegal to serve obese people in restaurants backtracked on what they had done and said they only did what they did to bring attention to the obesity epidemic in Mississippi and two komodo dragons hatched at the Sedgwick County Zoo apparently without the fertilization of a male for the third time in the past 2 years.

In the Europe and the UK, Ryanair airways was under fire for their advertising a second time as they used a picture of a Naples street covered in trash to urge people to use their airline to escape the garbage in Naples, 47% of British people were found to think that King Richard the Lionheart was a myth, 23% thought former Prime Minister Winston Churchill was not real as well and yet a large portion of them thought that the fictitious Sherlock Holms was real while a pancake flipping race to celebrate Shrove Tuesday was cancelled due to an influx of bureaucratic safety precautions .

A British firm claimed that they have designed a hypersonic passenger plane that could fly between Europe and Australia in less than 5 hours, tortoise experts in Cornwall suggested that if pet tortoises have begun to wake up from hibernation due to unseasonably warm weather that they be kept in the fridge to ensure a safe cycle of rest, workers responding to a neighbour’s complaints of a bad smell coming from an apartment in Western England discovered a body that had lay on a couch decomposing for 8 years and another real estate agent in central England took a prospective buyer to show them a house and happened to find a dead body hanging in the closet.

“It was quite a shock,” said a spokesperson for the estate agent. “Our agent quickly ushered everyone out, locked the property and called the authorities.”