The Reluctant Whore

Page Six is reporting that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are working it hard to get their own reality show and while it’s not surprising that they are, its entirely surprising that my gut reaction is that it would be a far better show than the tired assed, vapid idiot saturated The Hills.

I’m pretty much convinced at this point that reality TV is designed to introduce me personally to characters that annoy me SO much that I can’t look away because they’re so easy to get violently angry about – if I choose to engage. That’s a basic given. I’ve never watched a reality show where I haven’t immediately been presented with someone I just instantly loathe. Well, that’s sort of the same with getting on the subway in the morning but I manage that because it’s irrational.

But anyway, the reason this would be such a great show is because Spencer and Heidi really are such openly horrific examples of shameless LA vapidity and narcissism and they never let on that they have an conscious understanding of just how horrific they are that watching them in their daily lives, struggling to actually get somewhere would be so very easily one of the most disgusting shows ever that I would be forced to watch. FORCED I tell you. I would TIVO it.

Spencer seems to know maybe the extent of his hideousness but he values money and fame far more than feeling ok about what he does and Heidi is a vapid twit who just wants to be married and made to feel like a princess. That’s why she’s ok with being bullied by the misogynist Spencer. Republican women know their place.

Together they form a super couple that almost embodies as much wrong with America as Paris Hilton. Not quite obviously though because the New York Times heralded Heidi Montag as a freaking feminist hero and no one has done that about Paris. What Spencer and Heidi embody though, it far more overt and out in the open than Paris. Paris keeps the disease hidden. Well, until she releases a movie.

So, in conclusion, yes. Please bring on the Spencer and Heidi show. Please bring it on and then please let it crash and burn and destroy them completely so Spencer eventually has to say yes to that offer from Michael Lucas and we can all sit back and watch him get rogered until he cries.

I wonder why I’m so weirdly aggressive today. I think it’s because the pope is nearby. I’ve got my slogans ready, I’m making posters that say “Hitler Youth Graduate!” and “Limbo was a Farce and so are YOU!” and I’ve got a 5th floor view of 5th Avenue. Plus, I’m in suite 500. Wow, it’s all the fives! Barkeep bring me another double gin and spare me the regret! I think I’m losing my mind. [source]