The Reluctant Whore

The New York Post reports that Mariah Carey is probably pregnant because she was seen coming out of of an ob/gyn’s office holding some kind of paper and a group of people waiting to meet her outside cheered when she held up the paper.
Mariah Carey having a child is going to be far more narcissistic and insane than J Lo having a child but it will be along the same basic lines. It will be an open casting call for whatever it is the opposite of mourners are called…heralders, I guess. Heraldic beasts will also be in attendance as will a river of pure kitten and rainbow velvet.

I think having a kid for these women is easier than putting out an album. They just get knocked up, deny everything for months for some reason – probably because it keeps the media guessing and writing about it – and then when they are about to give birth they buy a small island, overhaul it, give birth and sell the photos to the highest bidder and while they're recuperating they have enough surgery to make them look essentially the way they did before they went under.

With an album you have to work with a whole lot of people, pay a lot of money, actually perform, settle on creative decisions. It’s just exhausting.

With a kid though, sure you’re risking your marketable body and sure you’ll have some human to take care of – in a legal sense – but at least you don’t have to get out of bed. Having a kid is something to do when you’re completely creatively barren. I mean, isn’t that why straight guys in their late twenties who studied engineering as an undergraduate course and, by the age of 24 have lives that resemble their baby boomer, middle aged parents do it? It’s something else to do. It’s like getting married, buying a car or smoking crack and winding up in jail. Sometimes, having a kid is what stops the sides from touching. Plus, for Carey’s husband, a kid is his ticket to easy street for the rest of his life. [source]