People Magazine reports that Ashlee Simpson, my apparent doppelganger, had a “white trash” themed 24h birthday.
“It had a white-trash theme," says a guest who attended the bash at Simpson's parents' home in Encino. "Ashlee wore Daisy Dukes and platform flip-flops with a bathing suit and a fake tattoo around her belly."
The weird part about this is that if Jessica Simpson had had a birthday party like this, it either would have been sincere or her people (whoever they are at this point – maybe they’re some ma and pa operation who work out of a rickety store above the post office, next to the train station in Tennessee) would have considered it the right wing equivalent of what happened to the Dixie Chicks when they cursed President Bush and their fans revolted.
When you’re a faux emo rocker, everything is ironic. Ashlee couldn’t have done it alone though. She’s so synthetic that the only way she could have mustered up a workable sense of irony is with Pete Wentz along side her. Together, they make almost an entire emo rocker persona.
By the way, the menu included corn dogs, macaroni and cheese, chicken fingers and French fries. Can I just say it would take psychiatric medication to get me to believe that that wouldn’t have been the menu no matter what the freaking theme was? I mean, Pete Wentz was probably hard at work flat ironing the French fries and trying to color in the white plastic tablecloth black with his eyeliner but apart from that there’d be very little difference. Opera themed party? They’d serve corn dogs, macaroni and cheese, chicken fingers and French fries. Space theme? Corn dogs, macaroni and cheese, chicken fingers and French fries. A funeral? Corn dogs, macaroni and cheese, chicken fingers and French fries. What the fuck am I talking about? Oh, who am I kidding? I posted about Ashlee Simpson because it is an excuse to post this:
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