The Reluctant Whore

Following reports in the National Enquirer that Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant, TMZ reports that and “unimpeachable source” has stated that that simply isn’t the case. What a shame for her. After all, what the hell else is she going to do besides churn out kids that won’t make her look like a carbon copy of her sister and therefore less marketable because it’s all been done and done and done to death.

I would have thought that these doomed Republican kids like Bristol Palin, Levi Johnston, Jamie Lynn and Casey Aldridge who are forced into marriage and parenthood just because their parents or jobs demand that kind of white picket fence solution to unexpected teenaged pregnancy would do nothing else besides screw and get pregnant. I mean, all their choices have been taken away from them because of someone else’s greed so why not just keep on going as before?

Incidentally, I didn’t realize this but about a month ago Levi Johnston got the word “Bristol” tattooed on his ring finger. Wow, if that isn’t a symbol of the prison he’s just been shut in for the rest of his life, I’m not sure what the hell is. The GOP must be paying him off handsomely. I’d love to revisit Bristol and Levi in fifteen years and study them for a potential sequel to Tracy Letts’ play, August: Osage County. There is no way in hell that he won’t be a fat alcoholic whore patron who still plays video games on the Nintendo Wii – 76th edition which he bought with silence money from the GOP and she will just nag from the kitchen all day long. One kid on her hip and the one she’s carrying now could be played by Madeline Martin. Still. At that point Madeline Martin will have a problem with typecasting at that point but will still need to pay the bills.

Interestingly enough, Fox News just reported that there are rumours flying about that Casey Aldridge has been unfaithful. Casey Aldridge has responded by denying the allegations and Jamie Lynn Spears has mumbled a few essentially structured sentences together to respond as well:

And then there's Whitney Seals, who supposedly dated Casey. Says Jamie Lynn, "What happened was that one of those girls did it, and in this small town when one of them does it, they're all like, 'Good idea.' They all jumped on the bandwagon."

See, after all these Republican kids get finished polishing their sneakers and pretending to be celibate they are just bored out of their minds.

[source] [source]