The Reluctant Whore

Here’s a five minute celebrity packed ad that attempts to use reverse psychology to get people to vote in America. If you watch it for thirty seconds every fifteen seconds or so after that you’ll naturally assume it will end but in actual fact it doesn’t. It doesn’t end for five minutes.

Five.

But the thing about this is that because it’s so full of actually famous people, as in people who are famous that you would know because they get regular work, in America it doesn’t matter. Viewers will sit there and watch and because the segment is made up of a lot of celebrities, one after the other, some of whom return – this is the massed, pop and political cultural equivalent of holding a fuzzy bee toy up in front of a puppy or a very small child for hours and hours.

Regardless of anything that could possibly be happening in the world right now and regardless of the fact that there is an election in one month, Americans apparently need to be convinced that climbing up off the couch to register and vote is worthwhile through reverse psychology because paying attention and understanding who they will vote for is so much harder than lying in a chemically sedated mass on the couch while The King of Queens entertains them by reproducing the banality of their own life on television except with more regular, strictly mandated laugh breaks.

Your average American needs a five minute ad. Well, actually, they either need a five minute ad or the director just couldn’t figure out which illuminati to cut seeing as each one is so perfect in their own way. Either way, with every passing second I’m more convinced that Sarah Palin will come out of this Vice Presidential debate unscathed. She will mumble out some clichéd covered lies and the nation will not like Joe Biden because he was suitably aggressive towards a woman and even though he has had thirty years of experience in politics and foreign policy, he didn’t make the fat moron sitting in a chair in Arkansas feel like he could see himself on TV so fat moron resents him as elite and votes for an idiot.

But then, why would you need anything remotely elite when you’re a racist, obese, diabetic, ill-educated, depressed, corn syrup fed, gun totin’, possum eating, rapist, cousin fucker? I mean, everything seems to be fine. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. In fact, that’s exactly the phrase what won the Liberal party the referendum in Australia a few years ago.