The Reluctant Whore

Playboy Magazine mogul Hugh Hefner has graciously reassured the nation that all THREE of his generic, clone, gold digging, attention whore, LA moron girlfriends will be getting their own reality shows, not just the alpha one, Holly Madison. Isn’t that just a soul quenching relief? I know it’s allowed me to put down the can of frosting and razor blade for at least another hour.

While the only times I’ve ever watched the original show, The Girls Next Door, was when I was recovering from having my wisdom teeth pulled out and was placated by Vicodin and then again a year later when I was recovering from the muscle injury I sustained while doing some kind of extravagant sit up and was again placated by Vicodin – it seemed to me that the roles these women played were paradoxical.

Firstly, they could probably only get on TV and make it to where they are by being one dimensional, air head Barbie dolls but then that sort of traps them in that role because as there were three of them the three just blur into one smear of plastic orange and blonde meaning that none of them really have distinct enough personas to facilitate them moving beyond the role of glorified hooker accessory to Hugh Hefner. I mean, Holly Madison gets the main gig because she has the most indistinct face. It doesn’t challenge anyone to experience something beyond the response you would have to a well marketed box of cereal. It’s like you look at her and your brain just automatically says “Oh yeah, I should pick one of those up next time I’m looking to get laid.” . Hell, I do that and I’m a fag for Christ’s sake.

So, yeah – wow – despite this bleedingly obvious cultural reality, all three of his idiot human sable wraps will get their own reality shows. I sure hope I’ll be able to fit in all that TV – maybe I’ll just give up going to the gym to ensure I don’t miss anything. Pending obesity would really be nothing compared to the horror of missing staring at a subhuman painted doll try and avoid walking into a wall for two hours a week. And people wonder why Sarah Palin hasn’t been laughed off the stage yet. [source]