The Reluctant Whore

Look, I don’t honestly have any real interest in who the hell Chris Cooley is but my ambivalence about football was subverted slightly today when I found out that he is a tight end for the Washington Redskins and apparently writes a blog. When he writes that blog, he’s usually in the nude. Fair enough. Still don't REALLY care but you know, let's go with it.

So, yesterday he posted a picture of some document but failed to notice that he’d actually included a snap shot of his dick as well. Hilarious! He’s one of society’s bona fide professional warriors of sorts and he embodies so much masculine aspiration and then, in one fell swoop he is made mortal. Aw, sucks.

So, the great part about watching masculine icons go through something that de-thrones them and potentially emasculates even for a minute is the way they approach the acknowledgement and the reaction you get from people. God, it’s refreshing and amazing.

Here’s the apology quote:

All apologies from the website. We are very sorry that we showed a penis on our website all day yesterday. That was by no means our intention and we did not want to offend anyone. The picture wouldn't have been up for so long, but we were in the middle of winning a big game. Once again, this was a complete accident and we regret not reviewing the post more closely. Thanks.

Oh my GOD it’s like listening to an elderly man tell you about his incontinence problems at the bus stop. It’s so weirdly disconnected and businesslike but necessary. Hilarious. And he used the word “penis” because you know all the people who do PR for the Redskins had to have a meeting about what to say. They all threw words about like dick, penis, Johnson, Dr. Terry, trouser snake, frightener. That meeting would have been great. All the thick necked football brass would have been sweating over it and probably had to go out and beat someone up to make up for any possibility that they’re gay for just SAYING the word.

There were over 130 responses from fans but one of my favourites was this:

Just like you and Tanner, I read the blog entry and glanced over the pictures and didn't even notice. I didn't know anything about it until I got back from work today and read something on Dan Steinberg's blog about your retracted (in the sense that you took it off the website, of course) junk. All things considered, I am now glad that I didn't look closer at the time, and I don't plan on seeking out pictures that may have made their way out across the internet.I have little doubt that one day you will look back on this and laugh. It will make one hell of an anecdote when being inducted into Canton.

I'm glad I didn't see it because I'm not attracted to you and am not interested in thinking about it because I don't think about you naked. There. I said it.

Ok, they didn't write that last bit but it’s so much like an elderly suburban mother insisting that the televised coverage of the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras was offensive and she was absolutely certain because she refused to watch it several times. She taped it and played it but put a blind fold over her eyes as she sat there. For six hours.

So, ultimately, thank you Chris Cooley – whoever you are – for making me give a shit about football for even just a second. [source]