The Reluctant Whore

Whoever is doing the press for Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson deserves a freaking medal. The two of them have done no real actual work – apart from her album, yes, obviously but I sort of feel like it doesn’t count – and yet we’re still talking about them getting married, he maybe being pregnant, them going on a honeymoon or not or staying in their basement with blow up palm trees and a tanning booth blah blah blah.

Turns out they DID go away. Oh LOOK! They totally tricked us! They said they weren’t going away on a honeymoon but they did anyway. Just Jared reports that they flew into La Guardia last night. La Guardia! That's my New York airport of choice! It's 15 minutes from my place and it's not even noisy where I live! Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson were 15 minutes from my place last night!

Pete Wentz at my place aside, this is a completely inflated nothing story that exists and is perpetuated purely because it denies itself. It’s like everything to do with it is based on nothing.

I can’t quite figure out why I'm still interested. I think it’s because Pete Wentz is undeniably smokin’ hot and at least at one point Fall Out Boy had a certain edginess. Ashlee Simpson never really had any edginess because she was always just the clamoring younger sister of the Spears replicant. She was defined by not being Jessica Simpson who in turn was defined by not being Britney while being her at the same time. She was Spears lite. But also Spears bland. Oh whatever.

So, my point is, it’s sort of interesting to think about what happens to someone like Ashlee Simpson when you infuse her with someone who was once identifiably human. Sort of like in the Neverending Story 2 when Jonathan Brandis wishes that the evil queen had a heart and she cries and feels pain.

Of course, Wentz isn’t human any more so it ultimately doesn’t matter. He’s now sponsored by everything and doesn’t do anything except say he’s not doing something before then doing it and creating a stir.

It’s like there’s a point but there isn’t. You have to really think about it to realize there’s nothing to think about. God, but he really is hot. [source]