The Reluctant Whore

Ok! Magazine reports that Dina Lohan has been named one of the Top Mothers on Long Island by the tooth grindingly insufferably named group “Mingling Moms”.

“We’re just honoring celebrities' moms on Long Island,” a spokesperson from Mingling Moms tells OK!. “It’s something for Mother’s Day. It’s a list of mothers from Long Island who have raised superstar children.”

So, at the base of it, the group is aware that what they’re doing is essentially pointless and has no meaning which is kind of reassuring. On the other hand, why bother doing something purposeless? Probably because the spokeperson from the group just wanted to be quoted in OK!.

Oh ok, I get it. I know what the bitches are like. God, these kind of suburban mothers, the kind that get together in groups and gossip about “MOMMIE” things and talk incessantly about their kids shitting habits are the worst. They’re not quite as bad as the hideous Christian suburban mother groups who get together and bitch and victimize a weaker mother and pray together but they’re pretty freaking bad. There’s really nothing more horrifying than watching a mother star fuck a celebrity no matter how famous the celebrity is.

In fact, there’s nothing more horrifying than watching a mother sit in the audience of the Oprah show and scream at the fact that someone like Tom Cruise is about to come out….and talk about his career and completely fake love life. These are the sort of women who socially smoke and go out on girl’s night outs to male strip clubs but in the case of the Mingling Moms, they would be slightly more monied.

I don’t know why I’m hating on suburban mothers more than would seem necessary or warranted right now. Probably because I’m still not over how fucking rancid that TV show “The Mommies” was like 12 years ago and also, I just can’t believe what Dina Lohan gets away with. If she were to turn up to the award ceremony she’d keep her sunglasses on the whole time and at least one mother would attach herself to Lohan in starfucking awe, laugh hysterically at everything she said and completely miss that her 3 year old kid was having an asthma attack. She’s actually resent her kid for a long time for having that attack.

In short, mothers on Long Island are giving a meaningless award to Dina Lohan simply for BEING a mother and being from Long Island and that indicates to me that I will never EVER spend time on Long Island for more than is absolutely necessary. [source]