The Reluctant Whore

Page Six reports that Jeremy Piven and that other anti-Spears product, P!nk were seen dancing together at some club called Green Door in LA and the interesting thing about this, apart from the fact that I could have sworn that P!nk was a lesbian, is that Piven and P!nk (fuck, that exclamation mark is annoying – it just makes everything slow down when you’re typing.

Fuck her, I’m not using it anymore) are actually remarkably similar entities when it comes to gender. Pink is sort of a boyish, masculine woman who acts like a faux punk in a way that channels masculinity, not in the corporately constructed way that Avril Lavigne does where it just channels spoilt brat entitlement and contrived social rebellion – Pink has something else, it’s still heavily fashion based but she has a lower voice and isn’t SUCH a freaking DOUCHE bag. Piven is a macho douchebag who is, admittedly really good in Entourage but I suspect that’s because his character, Ari Gold, is not really that different to his real personality. So, they both have a certain hyped up machismo aggression that they use to market themselves.

Joining them together is odd in a way because when you bring that amount of maleness together you’d expect for the end product to be inherently gay but it’s not because Pink is a woman. It’s like they would go out dancing and then go home and Ari Gold would prance about his house in plaid boxer shorts drinking beer and she’d keep up but would be wearing a sports bra and would be into whatever X-Box boxing game Ari had. They’d have sex but I don’t know what that would be like – I mean, besides some performative smacking.

Sort of like the way Ann Boleyn and Henry VIII had sex in the last episode of Tudors but with far less astonishingly organic sexuality. That scene was quite remarkable; especially when Ann slapped the king in the face and pushed him down, choking him. Also, Jonathan Rhys Meyers endless over reaching and unchannelled agitated, skittish energy finally FINALLY worked FOR him when he twitched like a confused teenaged lion as they lay next to each other breathing.

I think at some point Pink would talk to Piven about how she is sometimes into girls, just to test the waters and Piven would be ok with it because that’s his ultimate fantasy – being a predictable man – incidentally, why don’t women fantasize openly about being with two guys at once if men are into the idea of two women. I mean, in a general sense. I mean, straight girls in the East Village do but that’s because they want to seem edgy.

So, I short, Piven and Pink are sort of similar and them hooking up could almost be considered gay if Pink didn’t have a vagina – and by vagina I mean one she didn’t pay for 10 years ago. [source]