The Reluctant Whore

MSNBC reports that Britney Spears is back in the studio playing music and singing and she may be releasing a new album next year. They suggest that there are no further details about what type of album, just that it might happen.

I have suggestions. Oh BOY do I have suggestions.

For one thing, for some reason I’m getting a really strong gut feeling that the work of Laurie Anderson would work really well if performer by Britney. I’m thinking Sharkie’s Night done by Britney but directed by David Lynch. Here’s the kind of thing I’m thinking of but I don’t think alterno-drag is the right medium. Britney needs to do her own cover of this:

God, that would work. It would really just WORK.

Ok, so to follow that up Britney should do something light, something fun so naturally that takes us to the Sound of Music. I’m thinking “The Lonely Goatherd” and she, of course, sings all the parts but I guess that goes without say seeing as that’s essentially how it’s written except for the chorus and the small parts by Marta. I just need her to sing all the character voices.

I also think it would be culturally prudent and indeed wise for Britney to play the part of Baroness Schreider in the music video who, while clearly having no lines in the scene, , displays a certain tension in her face beneath that delighted laugh as she ultimately begins to realize the pending demise of her relationship with Captain von Trapp. Brit knows about that kind of pending sadness. Plus, she played “good” and “bad” Britney in her other music video so she should be used to this kind of thing. Subtle displays of tension and disappointment are key but should not dominate.

Then, clearly, we converge effortlessly into an accoustic cover “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails:

Ok, so that’s it for now but I’m totally open to suggestions. These things don’t just happen in one fell swoop.

She must never EVER include spoken word bits between songs though. Janet Jackson’s last album did that and it wasn’t nice or good. It was just unreasonable. [source]